Wednesday, September 20, 2017

"MY ALL"

Every day I give my all,
In everything I do...
If only my all was good enough,
Maybe I wouldn't be so screwed.
But even when I give my all,
It isn't enough for you.
I have given you my all...
I wish my all would do.

-Penny Bronzelle
September 20th, 2017

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

"Shadow & Shell"

I saw a version of me fly by once
As I looked out the window of my life;
And I'm sad to say that
I don't resemble that person anymore,
Not even a little bit...
I don't know where she went,
But all that I have left of her
Is the glimpse of a fleeting shadow,
And this shell with nothing in it.

-Penny Bronzelle
August 15th, 2017

Friday, August 4, 2017

Planning Dreams & Memories.

I dream up all these memories that I'll never get to have,
At least not in the way that
I had planned.

- Penny Bronzelle
August 3rd, 2017

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

"Sweat"

It plagues me like a curse,
Leaving me soaking wet,
I can't wait for Fall,
Or Winter would be better yet...
As for Summertime,
I'm finished with you,
And I'm over all this sweat.

- Penny Bronzelle
August 2nd, 2017

"Dreaming Again"

I'm dreaming about you again
Just like I swore that I wouldn't do,
But here I am with my eyes wide open...
And I'm dreaming about you.

- Penny Bronzelle
August 2nd, 2017

Sunday, July 30, 2017

"Shadow"

I am but a shadow of my former self,
Broken down,
Wearing thin...
I wonder how much more I'll take,
Before I finally concede the loss,
And let my pain win. 

- Penny Bronzelle
July 30th, 2017

Saturday, July 22, 2017

"MAGIC"

I know I'm not the first
To be mystified by the magic of how you came to be.
It seems as if I dreamed you,
Closed my eyes to sleep and when I awoke, I blinked & there you were.
I know it wasn't that easy,
My body bears the scars
From growing you.
I'd do it all again,
Just to be here with you now,
You are my living, breathing
Magic,
I don't need to know how.

- Penny Bronzelle
July 22nd, 2017

(Written in a few minutes, right after waking up.)

Thursday, July 6, 2017

"Whole Again"

Can you sense that I'm broken &
That I am all but coming unglued,
I am not as happy as I should be
While I'm here with you.

Something in me feels off,
Something in me feels wrong,
Something in me feels tired,
Maybe it's been me all along.

I need someone to fix me,
To come along & make me whole again,
Because I am so broken here now,
And I hate myself for it
Because you're light, life, &
The purest of joy & I'm struggling to engage...
All these other health problems
Keep getting in my way.

I feel like I'm already failing
To be a Mother to you,
This postpartum depression is kicking my ass...
Maybe I'll make it,
I'll do better than I think,
I'll survive this Hell I'm dealing with,
And be happier than I have been in weeks.

I love you,
I love you so much more than you'll ever know,
Which is why I feel awful that
You need me to be healthy & whole,
And right now I'm broken from the word "go."

I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Please forgive me for not being whole.

I'll get there someday,
With you by my side...
I will be whole again,
Someday, in a while...
I will be whole for you.
Just don't give up on me, too.
I love you & I will be whole for you.

- Penny Bronzelle
July 6th, 2017

Thursday, June 15, 2017

"I Found You"

I'm not sure how it happened,
That I went to bed scared
And over tired with you being
The furthest thing from my mind,
Then somewhere along the way,
Deep within the recessed corners of my mind...
I found you.
In finding you
I found comfort.
In finding you
I found peace.
In finding you
I found my way
To escape the scary things.
In finding you
I found a way...
To forget about me.
And apparently when I'm afraid,
You are exactly what I need.

- Penny Bronzelle
June 15th, 2017

Thursday, April 6, 2017

"The Stars Bear Your Names"

"For every star in the Heavens has a name,
And every name I have for the stars is Yours."

-Penny Bronzelle
April 6th, 2017

***For my son, whose light brightens my every day & my daughter, who I'm sure will do the same.***